Fokkoff!

A short play in one act.  Scene: a city street. 

 

A young man is walking in the street.  He sees a second man – a man in shabby clothing ­­– sitting slumped against a wall, his eyes closed and with a disposable coffee cup placed on the pavement in front of him.

The first man starts to move across to drop some change into the cup, then sees a third man – an older man wearing a suit, and texting on his cell phone – approaching from the opposite direction. 

The man with the cell phone notices the man with the cup at the last  moment and steps around him with a glance of annoyance. 

The first man suddenly has an irresistible impulse.  He steps in front of the man with the cell phone.

First Man:   Excuse me; would you do me a favor?

Cell Phone Man:  What?

First Man:  Would you give this dollar to that man?           

Cell Phone Man:  Why?

First Man:  Because he needs it.

Cell Phone Man:  Why can't you give it to him yourself?

First Man:  I wondered if you'd like to do it.

Cell Phone Man:  What?  No!  Look, I don't have time for this.

First Man:  Your time is too valuable?

Cell Phone Man:  Yes. Of course.

First Man:  How valuable?

Cell Phone Man:  More than you can afford.

First Man:  I'll give you two dollars then.  Give one to him and keep the other.

Cell Phone Man:  I’m sorry, I really don't have the time for this nonsense.

First Man:  But it'll take only five seconds, and you get a dollar.  That's … over seven hundred dollars an hour. How much an hour do you make?

Cell Phone Man:  What?  How much do I ...?  This is ridiculous.

First Man:  I'll give you five dollars.  You keep four for your time.  Give this man one.

Cell Phone Man:  No.

First Man:  Ten?

Cell Phone Man:  No!

First Man:  Come on, man!  That's near Bill Gates’ income, for five seconds' work.

Cell Phone Man:  Will you please just fokkoff?  What are you on about?

First Man:  I just want to see people helping other people in distress.

Cell Phone Man:  Well I'm sorry, but I don't give money to beggars.

First Man:  But it's my money you'll be giving him.

Cell Phone Man:  That's not the point. It only encourages them.

First Man:  What if it helps him?

Cell Phone Man:  What if it doesn't? Most of them only use it to buy booze and drugs.

First Man:  What if he's not one of them?

Cell Phone Man:  One of who? Whom?

First Man:  One of the ones who spend it on booze and drugs.

Cell Phone Man:  I've had enough of this. You’re an idiot.  Now fokkoff! (and off he fokks)

The first man shrugs.  He looks again at the second man sitting on the pavement.  After a pause, he takes out a further dollar.  He quickly steps across, and drops both dollars into the disposable coffee cup.  Coffee splashes out onto the second man's sleeve.  The second man wakes with a start, and looks down at his sleeve, then at the coffee cup.

Man With Cup (glaring up at the first man):  Hey!  What the hell are you doing, man?  Fokkoff!

First Man:  Oh… Oh! Sorry! (he hurries away)

Man With Cup (shouting after the first man):  And you owe me a cup of coffee!